Monday, January 12, 2009

Drinking a Beer at 10:34 a.m.

The Monday Slowdown

It’s Monday…so I’ll try to keep this on the lighter side.  The polls have closed.  You have spoken, I have listened, and now I shall write.  America wants to read “DR Drinks for 23 Hours”…and they shall.  I’ll try to get the story posted tomorrow.  In the meantime, sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the light reading and hyperlinks I’ve prepared.

80’s Flashback Week

Mark your calendars; next week is 80’s Flashback Week.  Don’t forget your ALF dolls and side ponytails.  I’ll be brining five days of in-depth analyses and links to your favorite 80’s shit from the past.  80’s Flashback Week starts on Monday, January 19th.  I’m still looking for corporate sponsorship…so keep your eyes and ears open.

Cabin Update

The laundry never stops here.  I feel like I’m a Mexican woman working the laundry room in the basement of Disney’s Caribbean Beach Resort.  Towels.  Sheets.  More towels.  More sheets.  Pants.  More towels again.  It never stops.  Four loads of laundry yesterday.  One more to do today.  Fuck my life.

I’ll be all by myself this week.  This could go one of two ways:

Alternate A:  I enjoy the peace and quiet of the frosty majesty of the winter landscape.  Relax.

Alternate B:  I go crazy after about 60 hours.  I start talking to myself (more than usual), take all the cold medicine in the cabinet to “fix myself”, and wake up in the corner of the room, covered in stuffed animals (ala the closet scene from ET) and chanting “Satan is good; Satan is our friend”.

Hopefully I go with Alternate A.

The Jukebox Punk-Out

On Saturday evening I went to a local bar/restaurant with a bunch of people for dinner, drinks, and light social conversation.  As the nine of us sat at the table we couldn’t help but notice that the music had changed to something bad.  I turned to my left and saw two douchebags at the jukebox selecting their jams.  The shit they were playing was awful.  It sounded like a Creed-Nickelback-shit hybrid.  It had to stop.  But how?  How could I stop the dickbags on the other side of the fish tank? 

God bless the “play it next” function.  Three minutes and five dollars later we were listening to “I Touch Myself”, “Lost in Emotion”, “Roll Me Away”, “Escape”, and *fuck…I can’t remember the 5th song*.  Well, needless to say, I won this battle against the tools on the other side of the fish tank.  As I walked by the homos on my way out, one of them approached me and said “thanks for the songs”…or something like that; I don’t speak loser…I looked at him, gave him a hetereosexual pat on the shoulder, and I was off.

For those of you keeping score at home:  Dan 1, Douchebags 0.

Monday Music

Three songs everyone should listen to today…and, God-willing, every day for the rest of your lives:

“Duncan” by Paul Simon

“Forever Young” by Alphaville

“New York Groove” by KISS and Ace Frehley

Special Thanks

A very special thank you goes out to RH for introducing me to the majesty of Cinnamon Life cereal.  Holy fuck, son-of-a-bitch its good. 

 

7 comments:

  1. The Original LCJanuary 12, 2009 at 11:30 AM

    You make me want to blog.

    ReplyDelete
  2. BTAJanuary 12, 2009 at 3:28 PM

    It should be noted that when I voted for "DR drinks for 23 hours", I thought I was going to get a set period in which you attempt to drink for nearly around-the-clock, complete with intermittent blogging as to your state of mind, aspirations for the next 2 hours, and food/drink consumption updates. Can this not be arranged?

    Birdie's Sports Park is sending a lawyer to Tahoe to discuss corporate sponsorship of 80's week.

    www.2guardchallenge.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownJanuary 12, 2009 at 4:12 PM

    DR -

    Dare I add a third song to your list?

    "Young Turks" by Rod Stewart.

    "Young hearts be free tonight. Time is on your side...."

    The Jew

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownJanuary 12, 2009 at 8:13 PM

    How you can forget the Nuge? Damn Yankees, "High Enough."

    ReplyDelete
  5. DavidJanuary 13, 2009 at 9:06 AM

    Brian, stop shamelessly plugging your loser website in the comments box.

    ReplyDelete
  6. BrettMJanuary 13, 2009 at 2:52 PM

    Dood, next time that happens with the jukebox, try this... Most jukeboxes have a skip button. If it is one of the newer ones that is mounted to a wall, it should be on the bottom. Usually it is close to the wall, but not far from the edge so it is still reachable. Hit it till there are no more entries in the box, and fill it up with single credit songs. If you can't find the button, unplug it and yell "fuck this noise!"

    ReplyDelete
  7. TysonJanuary 23, 2009 at 9:58 PM

    Dare I suggest "Big Country" from the the band "Big Country," from the compilation album "In a Big Country?" Play it no less than 27 times on repeat.... 27 is very important

    ReplyDelete

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