Well folks, its February 13th…one day before Valentine’s Day. I guess I’m not like the rest of America in my appreciation of Valentine’s Day. Here is my crude attempt to celebrate this made-up holiday.
The Night the Chia Pet Died
Let’s take a ride in the way-back machine to February 14, 2001. It was a cold and blustery Wednesday in Iowa City, Iowa. Many of the residents of 702 North Dubuque Street were dressing up in their Sunday best to go out to dinner with their love interests but there were a few who had other plans altogether. As you have probably guessed, I was one of the few.
It all started after dinner. I made a quick run with MDR to Dirty John’s to pick up the essentials…a box of Franzia, a bottle of Southern Comfort, and some cheap vodka (for Dr. Mike). Once we had the beverages locked down it was time for the entertainment. Luckily, The Choz and Kevin were already out on the town so we camped out in their room.
The crew was assembled. It was a pretty typical group… MDR, Dr. Mike, and myself…although we were joined intermittently by many passersby for cameos. As I sat down at The Choz’s computer, equipped with a copy of the then-free Napster program, I started to compile the musical playlist for the evening. Songs of love, love lost, love despised, and so on. From “Love Stinks” to “Love Hurts” to “Love Bites” to “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” to "Can't Smile without You"…we had a little bit of everything.
Well, we may have started out at a 3, but we soon charged up to about an 8 or 9. Within a few hours we were all thoroughly sauced…and singing…as best we could. We were almost done with the box of wine when we saw it…the Chia Pet. I’m not sure about the rest of the crew, but I fucking hated that thing. I hated how it looked, I hated how you poured the water in its back, I hated everything about it. It needed to die.
Within minutes I had made my move. I took a glass of cheap, boxed wine and poured it in the back of the mighty beast. Now there was only one thing left to do – well, technically two – wait and continue drinking.
The hours soon passed and so did our equilibriums. It was after 2 in the morning when The Choz walked in the door. A few glances around the room in his sedated state and he knew something was awry. The Choz didn’t care about the three drunk men sitting in his room listening to sad and angry love songs…he only cared about his stupid ceramic plant. The Chia Pet was wilting badly, as was The Choz’s soul. He lied on the floor next to the creature and tried to nurse it back to health with some water and love. The attempts were futile. The Choz soon realized this and decided to put the creature out of its misery. He took the last of the wine and poured it over the green demon like a helicopter dumping water on a forest fire. It was dead.
That night was a memorable night for many reasons…I got drunk, sang a few songs, and killed something that someone else loved. Happy Valentine’s Day Johnny.
Shout Outs
Belated happy birthdays...Big Head, Dr. Mike
Welcome home...Katie Nod...good to have you back in the States
Too Much Time on My Hands
Yesterday I made the list...I've been drunk in 20 different states. Today I made a spreadsheet of who has gotten drunk with me in the most places. Congrats to Piotr and BTA. You are the winners...so far. If one of you wants to take the lead...I've never been to Hawaii.
Click on table below.
There are places (and song lists) I remember…
“Do You Feel Like We Do” by Peter Frampton
“In My Life” by The Beatles
“Can’t Make a Sound” by Elliott Smith
“For No One” by The Beatles
“Lover, You Should've Come Over” by Jeff Buckley
“Hyperballad” by Bjork
“Obscured” by Smashing Pumpkins
“The Beast and Dragon, Adored” by Spoon
“Love and Communication” by Cat Power
“One of These Days” by Doves
Posts
Erroneous!
ReplyDeleteWe got drunk in Michigan. Me, you, Lunchbox, and Galecki. Coined the bar Gasworks, etc.
Also could make an argument for New Mexico on the great roadtrip of Easter 2007.
Revised.
ReplyDeleteUnless Piotr can come up with something FAST, BTA will take the lead on May 8th, 2009, at the Choz bachelor party fiesta, in Florida.
ReplyDeleteExcited for the championship belt,
Brian (fka Pete Mitchell)
Correction! The lead will be taken on March 21st, 2009, in Seattle, Washington.
ReplyDelete(In Marv Albert voice) Yes!
DR --
ReplyDeleteI've drinken with you in two states - IA + IL - but it seems as if your spreadsheet is antisemitic.
The Jew
I think Guerrero Mexico should be added. It is the state that has Ixtapa and Acapulco in it. Also, best v-day was 2002. It was a Friday, and there were 12 hours of me drinking in a hot pink Cherry 7up jacked. Highlights included flip-cup, getting my face licked by 2 hot skanky sisters in front of my ex, and making out with randoms at Malones. I feel bad for anyone who goes through college in a 4 or 5 year period that doesn't have a v-day on a weekend. They are missing quite a phenomenon.
ReplyDeleteClarification...as Dan has pointed out to me, Feb 14th 2002 was on a Thursday. I went back into my thoughts and realized that my cyote-ugly moment on Feb 15th was at The Wood, so that glorious v-day happened in 2003. Thanks for the correction Dan.
ReplyDeleteI would just like to make a note that I search the internet on Google Chrome...and with that the main page has your 9 most visited sites...great feature by the way...and dan your blog has made it to the 7th most visited site...well done dan, well done.
ReplyDelete