No, I’m not really here to recruit you. Just referencing the famous line from Harvey Milk. Yes, I just watched the movie Milk. Pretty good. Worth a watch.
I’m not here to talk about Milk. I’m here to discuss another Sean Penn film, I Am Sam. If you haven’t seen I Am Sam and fear you may not understand what I’m writing about, take a few seconds, click here, and read the synopsis. If you’re worried that reading the synopsis will ruin the movie for you…don’t…it’s a terrible movie…if anything, I’m saving you the time.
Sean Penn plays a “mentally challenged” man. I put “mentally challenged” in quotes because we all know what it means…retarded. Yes, Sean Penn plays a retard. Full retard to be exact.
Sean Penn’s character, Sam, is a father. The father of a precocious 7-year old named Lucy, played by the detestable Dakota Fanning. How is a retard the father of a child? Well, the movie briefly touches on the fact that the mother is a homeless woman. Yes, a retard and a homeless woman…fucking. A million questions instantly arise.
Was the mother a prostitute? Maybe, but how does a retard with the mind of second grader get a hooker? Does he even know what a hooker is? I don’t think I did when I was that age.
Was the mother a retard? Oh boy. Retard-on-retard sex…straight out of another great retard movie, The Other Sister. Interesting theory, but just not very relevant. If a retarded woman, who we all assume is Caucasian, is on the streets...someone is going to pick her up and put her in a home. We live in a society that coddles white women…we all know it.
Was the mother a crackhead? More believable, but just not quite there. How could the daughter of a retarded man and crackhead woman be normal? I’m not a doctor or a genetic specialist, but I don’t think it could happen. We’re not talking about two midgets popping out a full-sizer…we’re talking about two people who are seriously fucked in the head.
Was the mother a sick and twisted skank bitch? Bingo! Now this finally makes sense. We all know about seemingly normal women who dig nerds, fat guys, and dudes in wheelchairs...so why not retards? I know it’s far-fetched, but it could be something.
So how do we get into the psyche of a woman who is attracted to retards? Google. Maybe. I did a quick search of “women who are attracted to retards” and “women fucking retards” and “women banging retards”…nothing. Nothing at all. Not even a fucked up video clip.
Frankly folks, I don’t know what else to do or look for. Do these women exist? Are there whores out there who only bang retards? Anyone, anyone?
I’ll leave this topic open to discussion via blog comments.
Seedless Watermelon
Seeless watermelon…not sure how they do it…but keep on doing it. Also, if we have seedless, why are we still wasting time growing, selling, and eating the seeded variety. Seems like a silly waste of resources to me.
Fun with Texts
I’ve had this sent to me by three different sources. If you haven’t seen it yet, enjoy.
Prayer Cross
Do you have $40? Do you love Jesus? Do you fear that even though you love Jesus so much, you’re going to forget the words to the most important prayer in your religion? Then you need the Prayer Cross. This has to be one of the stupidest products being pushed on TV today.
Prayers…stupid. Prayer Crosses…fucking retarded.
Glory Days
Stumbled upon this article the other day. Definitely worth a read.
Deep Thoughts
If you flush a toilet, directly on the equator, which way would the water circle on the way down?
Are you shitting me?
As I stated above, I’m no doctor. Does this really exist/work?
Monday Music
“Monday, Monday” by The Mamas and the Papas
“Manic Monday” by The Bangles
“Come Monday” by Jimmy Buffett
“Blue Monday” by New Order
“Monday Morning” by Fleetwood Mac
Posts
With the entire fucking world going crazy over swine flu, I decided to do some research on the CDC website to put things into perspective.
ReplyDeleteRemember how crazy everyone was getting over West Nile Virus a few years ago? We all had to cover ourselves with DEET when we went outside. Kids shouldn't play in forests. Bullshit.
How many people died from this terrible disease that was covered for 5 minutes during every news broadcast? 1,130. Wow...1,130 in one year? Nope...in 10 years. Yes, from 1999-2008, the CDC reported a TOTAL of 1,130 US deaths.
The typical flu is responsible for an estimated 36,000 deaths every year in the US. When do they talk about flu deaths on the news? When they run out of shots?
Moral: Fucking relax.
Still waiting for the African Killer Bees to attack,
DR
The toilet flushing question was posed on the trip to S Carolina and my answer was that it would go straight down with no swirl. I just did some research and was surprised by my findings. Apparently, it is a misconception that the Coriolis Effect makes the water spin in a certain direction. The Coriolis Effect does affect larger amounts of water more, and does not have a huge effect on toilets. The swirl that you see when you flush is more caused by the geometry of the toilet. Therefore, if you took the toilet from your house and used it at the equator, it would flow counter-clockwise. Also, if you used the same toilet in the southern hemisphere, it would swirl counter-clockwise too. Damn you, Simpsons, for giving us such a common mis-conception.
ReplyDeleteAs far as I Am Sam...I'm pretty sure that the homeless woman was using Sam for a place to stay and screwed him because she felt bad using him without any sort of payment for a roof over her head.
T minus 27 hours before I know if I need to get tested for the Swine Flu. If I do, Bojangles needs to stop licking Mexicans.
-LB
Lunchbox,
ReplyDeleteWill calling your fiance "Bojangles" ever get old? Signs point to no.
Swine Flu - the only good thing to come of it is the China Towners are wearing surgical masks again.
ReplyDeleteHey Siskel...less movie reviews, more kickin ass.
ReplyDeleteB-Thom...Normally I would agree with the fact that Dan should stop acting like Siskel and more kickin ass, but In the state of Dan's life I think we should all let him do what he needs to do to escape the reality he calls his life. With that being said...your review on "I am Sam" is spot on DR...keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteSounds good BDK. I'll add "Livin' at 6250 feet" to the list of blogs-giving-movie-reviews. Looks like it checks in at #600,000.
ReplyDeleteDR --
ReplyDeleteHope to God this wasn't a post on that Texts from Last Night website about you:
(508): For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You may hate me but it ain't no lie...Baby, bye, bye, bye....
The Jew