You never really realize how tough the “real world” is until you live in it. And no, by “real world” I don’t mean having a job…I mean not having a job. Does anyone out there realize how expensive office supplies are? Damn. I bought a pen, Post-its, paper clips, paper, and envelopes yesterday for…drum roll…$42. Fuck. I miss the days of stealing office supplies. Let me just say this…I don’t want to live in a world where I have to pay for Post-its.
The $7.99 Haircut
As JR has so appropriately stated, “It’s a hard time for all Americans.” Not only am I paying for my own office supplies, but I’m taking the cheap way out on…yes…haircuts. For the last four months I’ve been on the 4-guard plan. I’ve buzzed my own hair with a 4-guard, let it grow for a month or two, rinse and repeat.
Yesterday I drove by a Great Clips that had a sign saying “$7.99 Haircuts”. I walked in. Yes…I know…stupid. Remember what the name of my autobiography is going to be? Exactly.
When I walked into the store I was greeted by one of the most homosexual men on the face of the Earth. We’re talking Castro Street meets Fire Island at a Rip Taylor show while drinking a big glass of Harvey Milk. Yes…that gay…not that there’s anything wrong with it.
So…back to the $7.99 haircut. What do you think it looks like? Exactly what you’d imagine it to look like. Apparently this dude didn’t understand, “Don’t touch the top.” Kids…when you’re losing hair on top, you don’t want to butcher the top. I look like Dan Akroyd circa 2001. Bad.
If that wasn’t bad enough, the guy gave me two necklines. Two? Yes…two. The natural one defined by where the hair stops growing AND the imaginary one about a half-inch above that he made. Bad.
One last thing…do they no longer charge tax on haircuts? I gave the dude a twenty and got $12 back. Is there no tax? Perhaps a 1 cent tax? Confused.
Brown
Watched Slumdog Millionaire last night…and…I think I have a little thing for the brown. I’m sure Dr. Mike does too.
Friday Beats
“Positive Contact” by Deltron 3030
“A Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying” by Bloodhound Gang
“Hot N Cold” by Katy Perry
“Young Turks” by Rod Stewart
“This is Your Life” by The Killers
Posts
"When I walked into the store I was greeted by one of the most homosexual men on the face of the Earth. We’re talking Castro Street meets Fire Island at a Rip Taylor show while drinking a big glass of Harvey Milk. Yes…that gay…not that there’s anything wrong with it."
ReplyDeleteFucking BRILLIANT.
-- The Jew